A man received a message from his neighbor:
Sorry sir, I am using your wife… day and night.. when you are not present at home… In fact, much more than you do.
I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies.
The man shot his wife..
A few minutes later he received another message:
Sorry sir, a spelling mistake.. I meant wifi.
Sardar jee chemist ke pass gaya aur bola: bhai kuch help chahiye
chemist: haan ji bolo?
Sardar jee ne Apni davai ki bottle me se ek chamach
chemist ko pila ke pucha:
meetha hai kya?
Chemist: nahi to, kyu kya hai ye.
Sardar ji: bas yahi puchna tha, doctor ne kaha tha ki chemist ke paas jakar
URINE Test karwa kar pata karo ki URINE me sugar hai ke nahi. 
PIA ki Flight me Captain Anouncment k bad mike Off krna bhoL gaya…
Captain apne co-pilot se: Ab me 1 cup coffee piyun ga phr Air hostess ko kiss kroga.
ye sun kr 1 air hostes mike OFF krne bhagi to gir gai.
Sath betha pthan: O Khuda Ka Bandi Aram se Jao pehle wo cofee piye ga….
A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?” “I give it to them,” replies the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.” The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, “Mypenis,” and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, “Error. Not long enough.”
killer one………………. Married Man Bechara Dukhi bhi nahi ho sakta….
Wife: I love you baby..
Husband (softly) : I love you too..
Wife : Upset kyun lag rahe ho….??
Husband : Bas thoda mood off tha..
Wife:Doston ke saath to bare khush rehte ho,
aur mere saath hi drame..
Husband (pyar se) : Aisa kuch nahi jaanu,
tabiyat thori theek nahi hai..
Wife: Haan abhi dost phone karega to 2 sec mein tabiyat theek ho jayegi..
Husband: Dost kahan se aa gaye, mera mood thora upset hai bas..
Wife: Mere saath hi ye sab hota hai, friends ke saath enjoy karte ho,
bari has has ke pictures click karwate ho.
Ya koi aur larki pasand aa gayi..??
Husband (aur zyada pyar se) : arrey, kahan se kahan baat le jaa rahi ho..?
Wife: Aaj sab clear hoga !!
Husband: Kya clear karna hai jaanu, aisa kya ho gaya..??
Wife (khud confused) : Jab tum khud clear nahi, tumhe kuch pata nahi to main kya bolun..!!
Husband : Tumhe hua kya hai ?? kis baat pe upset ho ??
Batao!!
Wife: Tumhari sangat hi kharab hai !!
Husband: Mere saath to tum ho!!
Wife: Ab bohot ho gaya, ab aur nahi!!
Husband (fully crashed) : Hua kya hai ? ye to bata do..
Wife: Hum ab saath nahi reh sakte?..
Husband: Ye baat kahan se aayi?..
Wife: I want Divorce..
Husband: Ok..!!
Wife (gone crazy) : Haan, yehi chahte ho tum to, fir tum jo marzi kar sako..
Husband: Arrey tumne khudhe bola abhi, maine kya galat kaha..??
Wife: Itni problem thi to bola kyun nahi, main khud bina bole chali jaati tumhari life se..
Husband (apne baal pakad kar) : Mujhe meri galti to bata do..
Wife: Waqt aane pe pata chalegi tumhe apne aap, jab main chali jaungi..
Husband:(confused) Acha, to main wait karta hoon sahi waqt ka..
Wife: Tum serious kab hoge..??
Husband: Ab kya hospital mein admit ho jaun,
serious hone ke liye?..
Wife:Go to hell..!! Dont call me again !!.
Husband:(shocked)
AFTER 3 HOURS..
Wife: Tumhe pata hai na, main tumhare bina nahi reh sakti jaanu,
sorry !!! I love you my baby..
Husband (Sab bhool kar) : Acha, I love you tooo…
Wife: Upset kyun lag rahe ho ?…………… !!!!
Doosri shaadi karne ke 4 tareeke
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Bahut speed me neche aaye ho..
pehle ek ko to handle kar lo.
A woman buys a lie detector robot that slaps those people who lie. She decides to test it at dinner. She asks hes son, “Son, where were you today during school hours?” “At school.” The robot slaps the son. “Okay, I went to the movies!” The father asks, “Which one?” “Harry Potter.” The robot slaps the son again. “Okay, I was watching porn!” The father replies, “What? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!” The robot slaps the father. The mom chimes in, “Haha! After all, he is your son!” The robot slaps the mother.
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!